Build it Then Let it Go

Text by Nina Vichayapai with Anna and Ron Vichayapai

“You have to build something and let it go. That’s when you’ll know how much it really means. That’s when you can appreciate it.”

Letting go is one of the hardest things I have had to learn in my practice of embracing the periphery. Letting go of what you know is necessary in order to move toward new understanding. But I am often scared to let go. My parents, on the other hand, have always let go of things gracefully. With enviable ease. In their mid-twenties they let go of their life in Thailand in order to immigrate to the United States. They’ve let go of jobs as soon as they felt undervalued or became bored. And as they now prepare to retire, they are letting go of Bangkok Basil, the Thai restaurant they have owned since 2011.

As I also prepare to let go of some things—like graduate school and the life I’ve built around it —I look to my parents for lessons on letting go. In this conversation we shared over dim sum in celebration of my mom’s 70th birthday, I sought to reminisce about the restaurant and dwell in my own fear of the transitions ahead. Letting go of the restaurant is a family affair, after all. Bangkok Basil is where I’ve worked on and off over my entire adult life. It’s shaped our family’s identity as restaurant-owning immigrants. Bangkok Basil has been the backdrop to nearly everything in our lives. It’s our home.

In the following exchange my mom and dad meet my anxieties about letting go with their usual nonchalance. They remind me that all things in life are merely passing and that the best things are often yet to come. This lesson also resonates with what I have learned through social practice, where I have found unexpected joy upon relinquishing control in projects. As my parents and I enter parallel transitions in our cycles of life I am grateful for the transferable lessons they continue to teach me about letting go with grace. 

Anna and Ron at the front counter of Bangkok Basil. Photo by Nina Vichayapai, 2025, in Redmond, Washington.

Nina: Let’s start at the beginning. When did you open the restaurant?

Ron: The grand opening was in April in 2011. So it’s been about 14, almost 15 years. 

Nina: What was it like in the beginning? I know I worked there a lot back then but I want to hear it from your perspective. 

Anna: So hard. So so hard. It was so busy. So many people coming all the time. We couldn’t go home until late every day. We couldn’t take any vacations. We both had to be there every day. There were always problems with things in the kitchen breaking or the employees would argue. So hard. 

Nina: To be honest I wasn’t sure if the restaurant was going to make it in the beginning! 

Anna: Why not?

Nina: You had a few other businesses, like the pizza place, which didn’t make it. And you never really worked at any of your jobs for more than a couple years either. Honestly, I’m like that now too. I can’t stand to do anything for more than two years. But you’ve made it to 15 years. I can’t imagine doing something for 15 years now. 

Anna: I feel so blessed we’ve had Bangkok Basil for this long. When I first came to the country, when I lived in New York City, I worked at so many different places. I worked at White Castle. I worked at a bakery. I got so much free cheesecake from the bakery, I would just give it away on the subway when I would go home. I worked in fine dining at a Japanese restaurant as a cocktail waitress. I had to wear a kimono. The customers came in business suits. On my first day there I spilled a drink on someone. The manager had to pay for the suit to be dry cleaned. I was so embarrassed I didn’t go back to work there after that.

I could barely speak English. And I was always scared of the Immigration police. Everyone was undocumented. All my friends were undocumented. I always worked around restaurants or in fast food but never owned my own business for so long. It wasn’t easy working for other people. 

Nina: It did feel like food and restaurant businesses were such a part of our entire lives. Even though you didn’t get the restaurant until I was in high school. Can you tell me about the first restaurant you and both had in Thailand?

Ron: Oh yeah. We had a little restaurant by a school which was close to your grandparent’s house. Kids would always stop by on their way home from school, they were our main customers. It was fun. We always wanted to do business since then. 

Anna and Ron at their first restaurant in Bangkok with their pet monkey and cocker spaniel. Photo courtesy of Anna and Ron Vichayapai, 1970’s in Bangkok, Thailand. 

Nina: So how do you feel about selling your restaurant and retiring now?

Anna: It’s sad and happy. Sad to leave something behind. It's a mixed emotion. I'm happy to have time back. To have another chapter of my life. To travel the world. Spend time back home in Thailand and give more time to my family that I never have enough time for. I've been missing out on a lot of things. You regret what you miss. The business takes over all my time and energy. But I’m happy for the success of the business. I never had a successful business in this country before.

Nina: Are you worried about what happens when someone else takes over? Do you feel attached to who's going to take on the Bangkok Basil name? Are they going to make it a good restaurant? Are they going to take care of your employees? Do you think about that? I feel worried about that. 

Anna: Yeah. That's why I have to choose who we sell it to carefully. I don’t want them to fail. I want them to be successful. So I have to be careful with the buyer. 

Nina: And what if someone comes in and changes things, how would you feel?

Anna: Maybe it’s good. If they are younger they might have a better idea for how to it should be. They can make it more modern, better for the new generation. They can use social media. We had the chance to make the restaurant into our mom and pop shop. They can do the same too. 

Nina: How do you feel about leaving your customers?

Anna: I’m going to miss them. I enjoy talking to my longtime customers. I like to make them laugh. I’ve seen so many people over a long time. I’ve seen so many families grow up. Parents bring their baby in. And now their kid is 13 years old. Just yesterday a family like that came in, their kid is 17 years old now and I saw him first when he was so little. 

But it’s also hard to always have to take care of customers. I’m so used to not finishing a meal because they always come in and I can’t sit and eat. I have to go take care of them. Families come in and their kids run around and scream. The restaurant gets so busy while I’m there by myself and then I get stressed. One time a doctor came in. He wrote a prescription for me. It said to go on a vacation! 

Nina: That’s great. Do you wish that someone in the family could take over Bangkok Basil for you? 

Anna: I do wish that but it's hard. It's not easy. It's not easy to deal with the stress. I want you to find your own business, your own way. I want you to do something easier. Do you want to take over the restaurant?

Nina: I don't want to take it over but I'm going to miss it. It feels like a really important part of all of our lives. It’s hard for me to imagine our lives without it. I feel sad about losing it.

Ron: The rewarding experience will be at the end, when it’s all over. You have to build something and let it go. That’s when you’ll know how much it really means. That’s when you can appreciate it.

Nina: That’s very true. What are you both going to miss the most? 

Anna: The employees. I’ll miss my customers. I’ll miss it when it gets busy, even though it’s stressful. It’s exciting too. I like seeing my regulars. They’re so nice to me. I’ll miss getting to work there with you. It’s always nice to have you come and help out. On Mother’s Day or Valentine’s Day when it gets busy, it’s so nice to have you there. 

Nina: I’ll miss that too! What about you dad, what are you going to miss? 

Dad: I’m going to miss all the cleaning. So much deep cleaning that I have to do all the time.

Nina: Is that a joke? 

Dad: No! I like the late nights.

Ron engaged in after hours maintenance work at Bangkok Basil. Photo by Nina Vichayapai, 2025 in Redmond, Washington.

Nina: What are you not going to miss?

Anna: The health department inspections! 

Nina: What are you looking forward to the most?

Anna: The peace of mind. It’s so hard to travel or be away from the restaurant. There’s always something going wrong that we have to deal with even on vacation. The fridge breaks or a pipe leaks or something else goes wrong. So I’m looking forward to finally relaxing.

Nina: Yeah I’m looking forward to that too. It’s hard to say goodbye to the restaurant but I’m excited for you both. I’m going to hate having to pay for Thai food now though.

Anna: I’ll cook for you more! I’ll have more time. I can cook for fun again. 

Nina: Thank god! It’s all going to be okay then.

Exterior of Bangkok Basil at night. Photo by Nina Vichayapai, 2025 in Redmond, Washington.

Anna (she/her) and Ron (he/him) Vichayapai are a wife and husband team who co-own Bangkok Basil, a Thai restaurant in Redmond, Washington. Their shared love for bringing people together over food and hospitality has guided their various food related ventures over the many decades they have been together. Additionally, both Ron and Anna are multi-talented in their backgrounds. Ron is an expert auto technician with over 40 years of experience working with cars, and Anna has practiced ceramics and painting when not working at the restaurant. Both Anna and Ron were born in Bangkok, Thailand, and immigrated to the United States in 1985. They enjoy chasing the sun by seasonally living between Washington state and Thailand.